How To Win Friends And Influence People – Dale Carnegie (Summary of Key Aspects):
While listening the book „The Snowball“ on Audible.com written by Alice Schroeder, the author lists a bunch of books which Warren Buffett has read in his early days and which made an impact in his life. One of these book which Warren Buffett recommends is called „How To Win Friends And Influence People“ written by Dale Carnegie. This book gives hints in how to deal with people in general and how to become a leader role.
The author Dale Carnegie (1888 – 1955) is famous for writing books about social interactions. There are a lot of books to choose from and they have all more or less the same content. Thus to say „How To Win Friends And Influence People“ is probably the most famous book and contains almost everything from his other books.
During the book, the author announces key aspects which he outlines more and tells stories regarding to these key words.
The list is straight forward and is almost self explainable. So this is a good place to paste these key aspects:
How To Win Friends And Influence People – Dale Carnegie:
- Don’t criticize. Don’t condemn. Don’t complain. “Criticism is futile because it puts a man on the defensive, and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a man’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses his resentment.” – Dale Carnegie
- Give honest, sincere appreciation. “Dr. Dewey says the deepest urge in human nature is ‘the desire to be important.’”.
- Enroll in the other person an eager want. Get the other person’s point of view and see things from his angle. The thing here is to give to your interlocutor what he wants, and not what you want.
- Don’t get other people interested in you. Be interested in them. Become genuinely interested in other people. (A dog does not need to pay for his living. A hog, chicken and cattle need to produce something valuable. A dog lives by giving love and by being genuinely interested in others.)
- Remember names. Remember birth days. “Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
- Be a good listener. “Encourage others to talk about themselves”.
- Talk in terms of the other persons interests.
- Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely.
- “Men must be taught as if you taught him not and things are known proposed as things forgot.“
- Win people to your way of thinking.
- The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
- Be diplomatic. “Don‘t argue with your customer or your spouse or your adversary. Don‘t tell them they’re wrong. Don’t get them stiert up. Use a little diplomacy.“
- Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say you’re wrong.
- If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
- Begin in a friendly way.
- “When the conduct of men is designed to be influenced, persuasion, kind, unassuming persuasion, should ever be adopted. It is an old and a true maxim, that ‚a drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.“ – Abraham Lincoln
- Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
- Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
- Chinese sage: “The reason why rivers and seas receive the homage of a hundred mountain streams is that they keep below them. Thus they are able to reign over all the mountain streams. So the sage, wishing to be above men, puts himself below them; wishing to be before them, he puts himself behind them. Thus, though his place be above men, they do not feel his weight; though his place be before them, they do not count it an injury.“
- Let the other person feel that the idea is his or her own.
- Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
- Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
- Appeal to the nobler motives.
- Dramatize you ideas.
- Throw down a challenge.
Nine ways to change people without giving offense or arousing resentment
- Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
- Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
- Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
- Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
- Let the other person save face.
- Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in you approbation and lavish in your praise.”
- Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
- Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
- Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
(Always say „And“ instead of „But)
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